I often describe my spirituality as complex braid or macrame dominated by three threads: Christianity, Wicca and Judaism. Which is why I am so excited by this thing I am blessed to be a part of in creating the Thean Church.
Like the majority of Americans, Christianity was the first thread: specifically Catholicism. I was not born a Catholic. My parents are both from Illinois, so they were both vaguely Protestant. But they divorced when I was young, and my stepfather was Irish Catholic. I was baptized at age 5, at the same time as my 2 year old sister and newborn half-brother.
I don't remember thinking much about God before my baptism, but suddenly I was immersed in religion. I mostly liked it. I vaguely remember the old Latin mass, but I became a Catholic as the Vatican II reforms came to America, which meant I became familiar with the get 'em in, get 'em out, get the next batch in English mass. I mostly liked being a Catholic. I liked the idea that I was learning the "one true and only religion". I liked going to Catholic school. I loved wearing the little white dress and veil for my first communion.
I liked Miss Grant, my second grade teacher. But I truly loved Sister Mary Catherine, my third grade teacher, even though I was a bit in awe of her.
But even then, I was vaguely aware that there had to be more to it, there had to be a feminine side. I really enjoyed the Holy Days dedicated to Mary. And then there was the day in third grade when one of the parish priests came into the classroom to give our Religion lesson. His topic was the Trinity. After explaining God the Father, God the Son, and the (very male) Holy Spirit to us, he asked for questions. After getting the question which allowed him to explain that Mary was holy but not divine, I stuck up my little hand, and asked "how does Mother Nature fit into this?" I don't remember his answer, though it was along the line of "she isn't real, just make believe". The quelling look given me by Sister Mary Catherine was enough to know that I had asked an incorrect question, and I didn't ask any others. But deep in my heart, I knew Mother Nature was just as real as the Holy Spirit.
I was a devout Catholic for the next several years. I was confirmed in sixth grade. I liked deepening my understanding of my religion, but unlike my classmates who chose traditional feminine confirmation names like Catherine, Elizabeth, Theresa, Anne and Mary, I chose Joan. I think one of the teachers tried to talk me out of it, but there really wasn't anything to object to. She was after all a saint, if a feminist one.
I finally left the Catholic church in 1974 when I was fifteen. Unlike most of my peers, I chose to continue attending RE classes into High School. We had a youth leader who wanted to allow us to really delve into what it meant to be Catholic, and I was really excited about that... but suddenly our RE classes turned into weekly anti abortion rallies. When I asked that youth leader when we were going to get back to studying our religion, he replied that he didn't know, but didn't I think what we were doing was really important? I stopped going to RE and to mass in disgust.
I would have left within a year or two anyway. I had a burgeoning call, and good Catholic girls cannot become priests. At fifteen, I was still seriously considering the convent, but even then I knew that wasn't what I really wanted to do.
I searched around for a few years, including spending some time studying with the Jehovah's Witnesses and some Nazarene "Jesus freaks". As a result I brought the first Bible into my family home. Like many Catholic families, we didn't have one. But ultimately, neither of those was what I was really looking for...
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